"it" just moved
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
