Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
