Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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