When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
