i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
