Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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