Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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