I skipped work to stalk him.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
