If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
