I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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