grandma shit on top of the toilet
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
