sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
oh god the rape fog is back!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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