I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
