Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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