My liver just broke up with me...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
