Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
