some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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