Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
