when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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