apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
