guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
