shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
