whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
