My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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