Houston, we have a squirter
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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