i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
