just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I currently don't understand fingers.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
