I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
