Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
