how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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