So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
