Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
