Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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