Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
