I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
