I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
