I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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