JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
