We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
