remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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