I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
