Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
