garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
