I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
