He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
