Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
