the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
