So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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