i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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