Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want nice things and good sex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
