I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
