your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
