my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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