$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
