You work out of a Hotel?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
