this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
